Trusting in your motherly instinct aka- The Holy Spirit

My Munchkins

I have had two conversations this week about trusting yourself and what you think as a mother.  The first was with a bunch of other moms, some new and some who have had children for years.  It is my personal belief that "society" today tells mothers that they shouldn't trust their instinct but listen to charts, Doctors, or statistics.  I made the comment that with both kids I have made decisions in both directions and learned lessons from both and that no one can prepare you for the things you learn.  Here's what I mean:

-Allison, my first born did not like to sleep on her back.  She always worked out of the swaddles that we made, she liked her hands out, but she would only sleep in short spurts on her back.  After talking with my mom and Chiropractor/Midwife, we decided that she had good enough head control to not suffocate herself and just a few years ago you could prevent SIDS by putting them on their stomach. (they still don't know what causes it!) Now it's their back, and everything you read tells you that your child could die if you lay them on their stomach.  So I took the "huge risk" and put her on her stomach.  All of a sudden at 2 and 3 weeks she was sleeping 4 and 5 hours at a time instead of 2 or 3.  Um, makes sense to me! Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to do something that might be harmful for my baby just to get some extra shut eye, not what I'm saying at all.  But this is one of those things that the more mothers I talk to, the more I find that they let their baby sleep on their too! And we all smile and talk about how our kids are still alive. (and with no flat head, an added bonus!)

However on the other hand....
-Caleb my second, was born at almost 8 lbs.  I didn't take him in to the Dr. until he was 6 months old. (there were a few reasons for this, one being our insurance changed and doesn't cover well child visits anymore and with me staying home we did not see this as a necessary medical expense for our mostly Well children.  That being said I do love our Pediatrician! She supports whatever we want to do for vaccinations, she usually prescribes some type of homeopathic remedy for whatever is ailing the kids if we do have to go in, and she doesn't rush to the worst case scenario) Anyway, at 6 months he was in the 50% for head size but less than 5% for both height and weight.  The Dr. asked me all the questions about feeding, sleeping, and development and they were all just fine.  He was still on breast milk at this point and we had JUST introduced a few solid foods that month.  I was in no rush to feed him solids and he didn't seem that interested.  He wasn't showing many of the signs, so I waited.  But then according to the charts, he is small.  It was at that point I started worrying and questioning my choices.  On one hand I KNEW that he was being fed enough.  He wasn't mal-nourished, he wasn't crying because he was hungry, he was a happy baby.  But what if??? And the questions kept coming.  I started supplementing with formula in case he wasn't getting enough calories from my breast milk.  Which eventually led me to stop breastfeeding all together and go completely to formula.  And do you want to know what?? He didn't gain ANY more weight! Nope. He is still (at 12 months) at the very bottom of the charts.  (if he is on them at all!) Well, he has gained weight, but no faster than he would have if I had kept breastfeeding him.  At the time I kept saying I didn't want to be selfish just because I wanted to keep breastfeeding him, if formula was best, then that's what I needed to do.  But today as I was discussing the situation I said,

"I didn't trust myself enough to keep going with what I knew."

Wow. What a statement.  As I thought about it more this afternoon more thoughts about it kept coming.  I think another lesson that every mother learns is to listen to that little voice that says, "go check on the kids" or "go check his diaper even though he is in bed" or one of another hundred other things.  There have been times where I have listened and times where I haven't.  But I am trying to trust that voice more and more.  And here is where the problem lays, It's not my voice or prompting at all! It's not that I didn't trust myself, it's that I didn't truly ask God and listen to his guidance.  Doh! What a pill to swallow.

I've also heard lot of mothers lament over the fact that they had to stop breastfeeding, or never had a chance, and they beat them self up about it, even years later.  But the truth of the matter is that if we have a word from God about something, then it's not about us. [side note- I don't pretend to know every one's situation and don't want to offend anyone by making a blanket statement about any mothering issue] With that being said, if God releases you or encourages you in whatever you are asking about, there isn't really anything that anyone can say if you truly believe God.  Take Heart!

When God told me that Caleb would be a big brother despite the bleeding I was having, it didn't matter what anyone said, (including the devil) that could sway me from that word.  And yet I struggled with fear and belief.  But I continued to go back to that promise.  [another side note- at our sonogram this past Wednesday they saw a Hematoma on the screen that was the cause of the bleeding earlier in my pregnancy. It's not effecting the baby, in fact it's not even attached to the placenta! Just in the uterus.  So that question is answered and I'm glad we didn't have to spend the extra $120 to get that same answer a month ago. Again, a word from God changes everything]

Many times that "motherly instinct" is the Holy Spirit prompting and if I'm listening I can hear it as that and not my own intellect.  What a much stronger thing to stand on! Then there is no guilt, no regret (well there doesn't have to be. Again choosing to stand on the Word and not let the devil pull you into that is such a struggle as a mom sometimes)  But the lessons we learn as we go along this journey are so great, and I'm so thankful I have an amazing Captain who loves to lead and guide me if I can get myself out of the way long enough to listen!

One last thing, I have come to learn over these last few years that God loves the "little" things.  He is not too busy to deal with anything that we need an answer for.  He delights in the details and would love to answer our "little" questions if we can just remember/choose to ask him for the answers.  I really struggle with this but am trying with His help to get better.
Love and peace,