Dreams

At Fall Festival

I finally had a real dream about my little angel the other night.  I was holding him and kissing him.  I knew it wouldn't last long so I was trying desperately to take a picture or video.  It didn't work, but the next day I woke up and remembered his sweet face so close to mine.  I pray for dreams like that every night!!

I ache so much for my little guy.  My heart hurts without him here.  I don't like not taking care of him.  And yet I know that God is doing a much better job than I ever could have done.

Last year at this time the throwing up had stopped, he started gaining a little weight, and he was probably the strongest he ever was.  He was still very mobile, eating fine, talking up a storm, with no warnings of what was to come.  We were getting ready for his muscle biopsy that was December 6th.  We were excited to start his vitamins with the hopes that they would help, but we couldn't start until after the surgery.  He had started Physical Therapy in September and then Occupational Therapy in December.  Martha and Ashley were in our home every week from that point on.  They loved him and worked with him, I am eternally in their debt for all they did for us.  They listened to me and helped when they could.  I seriously could not have done it without their help.

We are expecting the video from the funeral from the church at any time now.  The autopsy results should be in soon as well.

Most days we are just living.  Putting one foot in front of the other, not thinking a whole lot about what's going on.  But more and more Caleb appears in our thoughts and the tears are ever ready to flow.  This would have been only his 3rd Christmas.  I wish we had more time with him.  He was so dynamic.  (changing all the time, but also had such charisma) His smile lit up my world.  He never held back his smiles, but gave them out freely to all who would look his direction.  I miss that kid.

On other family news Jordyn is finally starting to walk.  She took some first steps a little over a month ago, but has finally started really walking this week.  It's not very consistent, but it's when SHE wants to, and when she does, boy look out! She practices 5 or 6 times in a row and is getting better and better.  The first thing she learned to do was to stand up in the middle of the room all by herself.  From there she starts walking.  The whole thing is pretty funny to watch but man her independent spirit is already VERY evident.

Allison is learning new things all the time.  We have started homeschooling (pre K) and it is going really well. She loves it and learns quickly.  We only do it a few times a week but she is breezing through the material.  She talks about Caleb almost everyday.  We bought her a ring that has a heart on it to remember him.  Jason, Alyssa, and I all have jewelry "for Caleb," so she wanted something as well.  So far she has done really good with it and seems to like it.  Allison keeps us on our toes and always praying for patience it seems as well.

Climbing like she has seen her sister do!

Thanks for the love and prayers, we need them now more than ever!

Love,