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| Allison at 4 months sporting her cloth |
If I'm totally honest with myself, pride is a big issue for me. I had a major, "Re-new my salvation card" experience about 2 years ago that showed me how prideful I had become and how much humbling I really needed. My sweet savior came and showed me His love, grace, and mercy in such a way as I have never been able to receive before. [it was always there but my pride was too big for me to accept it] So with my pride out of the way I could be a "real" Christian, right? Sigh, how quickly we I forget.
As I was thinking over this last week about buying "trash" diapers for my little munchkin, I realized that I took pride in cloth diapering. A little too much. I looked down on others for their choices, obviously they weren't as informed, or cared about the environment, or "fill in the blank" as I was. Yuck. Do you hear all the pride in that statement?? It makes me want to throw up. It doesn't matter what other people choose to do, or how they do it, it's just that, their choice. And it doesn't make them any less of a person, or a Christian, [or maybe more importantly it doesn't make me any better of a person or Christian] for the choices they/I make. Pretty sure God isn't going to give me a gold star for using cloth diapers when I get to heaven. But that pride, that sure can steal one's eternal rewards.
Having my first in a hospital is the same thing. I was so excited to "break the mold" [a.k.a. do it better] and have my baby at a birth center and when that didn't happen I was somewhat devastated. I feel a little differently about this issue for a few reasons that I won't go into here, not the ultimate point really, just my pride. My sorrow over the loss of control [birth is great for that] was normal, but the pride I realized I had about the whole situation was again, disgusting.
And so, as I pray for forgiveness and also ask forgiveness from any of you that I have offended by my "Holier than though" attitudes and words, I leave you with this. An amazing song that brings me to my knees every time I hear it. Please listen to it, I promise where ever you are it will speak to you.
Hillsong- Grace Like an Avalanche
Hillsong- Grace Like an Avalanche
Blessings,
3 comments:
This was a beautiful post, Jessica! I struggle with the same thing and I'm so glad you shared! :) Bob Hamp said something once about how when we impose our values and opinions and maturity onto others, that we're extracting from what Jesus came to do! It really helped me a ton, but it's a continuous battle!
I felt the same way when I couldn't breastfeed Remi. I felt like people were judging me every time I put a bottle in his mouth, but I had to accept the fact that he just couldn't latch on with his cleft palate. I couldn't starve the poor guy, and this struggle went way deeper than not offering enough nursing time. That's one of the things I now realize as parent. It's not always about our decisions, but about our judgements. And just a little side question, but have you tried a different detergent in your cloths?
I just took time to read this. I love it!! Girl...I feel ya. The Lord is dealing with me on the same pride thing, only in different things. And, I am not so sure you won't get gold star for cloth diapers:) Washing away poop is a big deal in my book!! Love you, and thanks for sharing your sweet, honest heart!
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