A Real Promise

For the last few months there has been a song on Christian radio that was my mantra.  "I might let you bend, but I won't let you break." (the "I" being God) I bought the song, sang it, turned it up when it came on the radio.
After Caleb died my Aunt was telling me that sometimes people would say, "God won't give you more than you can handle" and how she told them that isn't in the Bible.  Wait, what? I mean I've grown up in church and I have heard lots of people say that! But as we talked and I researched (thank you google) I found out that she is right.  God never promises not to give us more than we can handle.  (1 Corinthians 10:13 is a probably the verse you are thinking of) In fact, for whatever reasons, be it our choices, others choices, the devil, the fall of man, brokenness is something most people have to deal with at some point in their lives. I think the places of complete brokenness are the places that God can show up the greatest.   I mean, when I finally come to the end of myself, that's when God can finally take over without me getting in the way.  When I have nothing left, then His strength can be manifested in me.
My strength ended Wednesday morning September 19th when they showed us the MRI results and Caleb's lungs and heart started to falter.  I depend on God daily, if not hourly, (that day it was secondly (is that a word?) ) to carry me.  I am far beyond the point of brokenness, however, here is a promise that I do know is in the Bible.  God will never leave me nor forsake me.  (Deut. 31:6) Now that's a promise I can hold on to! No matter what happens to me, God will be there.  How much peace there is in that promise! And I know it's true! God has been with us during this entire journey.  He has shown Himself faithful time and time again over this last year.  He moved mountains for us all the time with Caleb.  I remember saying on my blog a few months ago how Caleb must be really special to God because he kept doing the impossible for him.  (please don't tell me that God just missed Caleb and wanted to be with him so that's why He took him. or that Caleb was so special that God needed him back in heaven.)
My sorrow is deep.  Overwhelming at times.  I lose hope sometimes.  But God has been there every time to pull me back, to wash me with peace, to comfort me, to remind me that Caleb is taken care of now.
There is a sign I bought a few months ago that I thought was appropriate back then, and it is even more so now:
I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know who holds tomorrow
I went to a class at church a few months ago titled, Disappointment with God.  It was so good.  So many times we have expectations of God that are based on our limited understanding.  And based on that limited understanding, when God doesn't do what we think He should then somehow He failed us.  How wrong that thinking is!  Something I am beginning to see is that our brain is so earthly bound.  And God is so not.  His ways are higher than our ways, our brains can't even begin to comprehend the ways in which He works. His plans and purposes are beyond anything we can fathom.  So many times there aren't answers to the questions.  Things don't make sense.  Things aren't fair.  But God is faithful, and He is there.  And that's a promise that will always be true.

Thanks so much for all of your continued love and support!

Jessica

P.S. The rest of that song is actually really good, I just wish they would change that one line!!